Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
