he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
