pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize