The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
