my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
