Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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