am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
