I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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