you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
