Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
