I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
