please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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