Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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