i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
