Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My pussy is not your playground.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
