if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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