Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
