Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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