I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
