3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
