dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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