Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
