WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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