We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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