Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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