Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
