You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
