is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
