I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish i was in the wii world.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
