Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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