you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
