I accidentally burped into my bong.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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