i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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