I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
