toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
