he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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