Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
