I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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