I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
