I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
