I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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