ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
