dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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