the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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