Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
