here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
