put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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