you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
