"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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