I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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