my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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