I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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