We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
