I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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