Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
