ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
