Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
