dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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