You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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