I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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