My nipple is on Facebook.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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