he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize