the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
