U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize