I bet he comes in French.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
