I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
