I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
