i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
