Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
