just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
