I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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