On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize