6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
