ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize